On a regular basis for most of the day, it really is just me and the two girls.  My husband gets off work at about 6pm, and from then on there are an extra pair of hands on deck to help out with what remains of the day and the bedtime routine.  Sometimes he works late, or sometimes he gets home but is still working on a sale; but nonetheless the girls get to see bits of their daddy within a 24-hour time span.  He always worries about leaving me alone for very long with them; with the thinking that it’s always better to have a “1 is to 1” ratio, particularly at night (What happens if they both wake up crying? — not to say it hasn’t happened during the day while he was at work. ;)).

Then a few weeks ago, my husband took his first business trip out of Chapel Hill.  He was just gone for one night, but of course it was a first for all of us since before Jamie was born.

Surprisingly I wasn’t worried or nervous at all.  Our day went on as it normally would; Sam was in pre-school, Jamie and I ran errands, and then we came home and the girls took their nap.  Afterwards, we had one of our playdates, then went straight into dinner and then to our bedtime routine.  We were even able to sneak in some quality playtime (I made an exception that night and we had a pizza picnic in the playroom).

Sam did look for her daddy more than once but we got him on the phone before his flight out and so she was still able to talk to him and say goodnight.  They say that at Sam’s age, kids still don’t have an accurate concept of time, so up until I told her Daddy wasn’t going to sleep with us that night, she still assumed she would see him eventually.  She didn’t cry though, which is a good thing; I feel she trusts that no matter what her dad will come back to be with her before she knows it.

In the end, the girls went to bed an hour earlier than usual (Daddy likes to play with the JUST before they get to bed.  He also is a constant victim of the magical delaying tactics), and I had a pleasant amount of time for myself to complete the chores of the day and get some work done.

I was comparing notes with some of the moms in Sam’s playgroups and they too were surprised at how easy things were when their husbands would leave them with the kids for a night or two.  It is ironic if you think about it because two adults should be more handy than one.  Maybe the kids can sense that there isn’t going to be another adult and so they are instinctively more cooperative.  Maybe it’s because as the caregiver in the household, there is one less person for us to worry about, even if it is another adult and not another child (Although if you think about it, husbands can sometimes be children too!).  It could also be because  you don’t have to compromise your way of doing things with the kids to accommodate the role and opinion of another person in the house who actually has an equal say in how things should be done.  Even if Dads here in the states work most days, they are more hands-on than I’ve ever seen them to be in Manila, and so they too weigh in more with respect to the day-to-day operations of the house and the kids.

Most likely it is a combination of all of the above and more.  Yet even if it could be easier, it’s just not the same eh?  We do need to have Daddy around to get used to caring for them as well, so that we can inject tiny bits of “me-time” into the routine!  Plus of course, Dad brings out a different side of the kids that they don’t show with just mom.  For us, while the girls and I enjoy our time together day in and day out, you can tell they tire of me, and would also want to be around their daddy.  As Sam says, “it’s more fun when Daddy-bear is around.” 🙂

Side note: Here are some articles I’ve found on the importance of Dad’s presence in raising girls.

Dads influence who their daughters find attractive

Dads influence on his daughter, by Joe Kelly

Ten reasons why dads matter